Faded Into Gray

Once upon a time, in what seems like another life, I had a blog. It was a sweet little thing where I talked about my life as a mom with type 1 diabetes. I loved that blog and the friends I made while writing it. I did my best to keep my divorce off of there. I just didn't feel like I had the right to splash others' stories across the screen. When I found out that the other woman was reading my blog, I shut it down. Quickly. My days as a blogger ended in the early morning hours of one sticky August day in 2013. I'd known about the affair and this other woman for nearly 6 months, but it wasn't until I finally forced my way into my then-husband's iPad that I realized this woman knew so much more about me than I knew about her. And I wasn't having any of that. I said goodbye to my beloved blog and in the weeks that followed the iPad incident, I said goodbye to my marriage as well. 

Today, It's almost surreal to me that I'm divorced. I grew up in a strict evangelical Christian home where divorce was just not an option, yet there I stood in May 2014, in a courtroom putting the final nail in the coffin that held my marriage. Growing up the way I grew up, there was no gray, only black and white. Something was either right or it was wrong. My divorce shook me to my core beliefs--no longer was there right and wrong. There was only good, better, and best--bad, worse, worst. A whole new world of gray opened up to me. It was (and continues to be ) a world that both terrifies me and comforts me as I journey through it. 

Despite the pain, the tears, the anger, the disillusionment, and the broken dreams, I'm finally seeing the beauty that is the gray. I hope I can continue to blog about letting all that I thought was true fade to gray while all that really is true shines through in its own brilliant beauty.

 ~ Amy ~